"Security" Guards

I promised I'd write about our Guards.

We have a company that provides us our protection. They are nice guys, but I don't see them doing much protecting.

The man that is over the patrol is a older man. He is nice and I like him as a person. I really do. But he also is missing his big toe. He had it removed because of diabetes. Thankfully he didn't lose more than his toe, but he is still not going to be chasing anyone down. Who am I kidding, He wasn't ever going to chase anyone down. He carries a gun. You can't out run a bullet.

The other character they have provided for my entertainment is a special one. One night I had a creep that kept hanging out at the desk asking me strange questions and asking me to go on a date with him or just back to his room. I turned him down as I always do. But he would find a reason to come back once an hour it seemed. The Guard, we'll call him Lucky, came in once and scared him off. He likes to talk and gets really excited when he does.

When it was time for me to go, Lucky had came back by on his 2nd round. I asked him to just hang out while I got to my car so if Creepy was waiting he'd not pounce. As we were walking out the front door, he said that I had nothing to worry about. He then reached into his holster. My instincts said to get behind him, good thing too. He pulled out his taser gun. As he pulled it out he shot the poor unsuspecting bush! What if there was a family of birds living in it?

As I stood there in horror watching this poor bush being zapped to death, I realized I was about 2 seconds from having that thing in my ass cheek. My instincts paid off. It seemed as if the zapping was never going to end. He claims it was a misfire and that he didn't shoot it off. He went to his trunk and started messing around saying he was going to have to send it back.... blah blah blah. I just kept thinking about how I could have been laying on the bricks pissing my pants for 15 seconds. I hurried off to my car. I've never asked any of them to watch out for me in the parking lot again. I'll take my chances with the Creepies.