Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Make Believe Rooms

I hate them. Make Believe rooms are the rooms they book when they just book a room but not a room type.

I had a guest come in last night with two booked, but had in the traces that he wanted both rooms to be smoking. We only have a handful of smoking rooms, and we keep those for our regulars that smoke.

He was getting pissy with us that he wanted smoking and he put that in his comments when he made the reservations. I had to tell him over and over again that he didn't book a smoking room, and we don't have any smoking rooms to give him. Then he tells me, "What are comments good for then?" Well if there had been a smoking room available when you made the reservation then you could have booked a smoking room.

He goes on to argue that he made the reservation last week and blah blah blah. Well our smoking rooms are booked every week by our regular guest tough luck.

A few hours later the guy he was with calls me and starts saying he can smell chlorine in his room from the YMCA. We have a small YMCA attached to our building. They don't have a pool or anything else that uses chlorine. I just walked past the area not even a minute before he is whining about this. I didn't smell a thing. His room isn't even attached to the YMCA just next too it and it is the Racket Ball room next to that outside wall.

We will be changing his address in the system so he can't send in a bad survey.

Monday, March 21, 2011

My Babies Shouldn't Have Been Prevented.

I try not to bring up my personal information with my guest, but sometimes small talk does happen.

I was talking with a guest that was standing at the desk. She was telling me how she went to Walmart, and forgot her hair spray until after she was already out on the road. I just said back to her that I do that quite a bit. but when it happens I never go back, not even if I'm just in the check out line because I have a herd of kids with me, and that is probably why I forgot what ever it was in the first place.

She then looks at me and says "You know we've figured out how to prevent that?" Say what now? My gm and I both looked at her and she clarified what she was saying. "You know, we have ways of preventing babies." I was just standing there with a look of WTF, and my GM looks at her and tells her my kids are awesome.

How can someone say to you that your children should have been prevented? She then goes to say I'm contributing to over population. My best guess is that she has her head up her ass too far to read a book or articles on the fact that the population is declining around the world. Just do a quick Google search.

How do you respond to a customer across the desk? I have a pocket full of responses for when this happens with people I can tell off. I can't tell her to go prevent herself and she could easily reduce the global population by one tonight. People come to hotels to that quite a bit, but no. I can only stand there and think "Did you really just say that to me?"


I have four children. We are not in a race with the Duggars.

Where do people get off on being able to comment on the amount of kids they have? It's not like I'm hoarding babies or having them by the litter like Octomom. But can you even say those kids should have been prevented? They are deserving of life just as much as you are. 

My kids rock, and if I could have more I would.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Taxes

Guess what? I don't have control over TAXES! Yes, the state and the county will charge you taxes for your stay. Don't get mad at me. No, I will not remove them from your bill, and yes you will have to pay them. Just like anything else.

Let me guess, you are the asshat that calls up to your phone company and whines about the taxes and the 911 fee on your bill.

Get over yourself.

Dude turned into an ass when he realized he had $5.00 in taxes on his room from the county. His wife kept talking to me normal and I stopped dealing with him. I think she wanted to smack him too. 

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

You are not the boss of me!

We are next door to a large mall type store. The building is owned by the same people that own us. Yesterday around 4pm I get a call from someone at one of the stores. He asked for my GM. I told him she was out sick. He then ask for the manager on duty. That's me. He then started in on wanting a room comped, and that he was corporate of something at the mall. There are more stores than I can count in the mall.

I tell him I can't comp a room and the best I can do is direct bill it to the mall. He gets mad at me and starts saying he's been trying to get in touch with the GM since Friday evening. It is Tuesday and the GM doesn't work weekends. If he was someone of importance he would have known this, and would have gone the proper channels. You can't reach a GM on the weekends.

I only comp rooms when the owners or GM tells me too. I don't know who this guy was, but he was really trying to act like he could tell me what to do because he was corporate over something. I doubt the owners would want to comp a room with how busy we are. I told him to call back and talk to the girl on 1st because me giving him the GM's email wasn't good enough for him.

I also doubt that if it was one of the owners calling I would have been talked to so rudely. You can really tell when someone is trying to throw their weight around but have nothing to throw. I don't care if you are the Queen. I'm not giving you a free room. 

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Do you ever wonder how some people have survived so long?

We had an older couple in last night. They were calling or coming by the front desk every 10 minutes asking how to do something or for something.

When I checked them in, the woman pulled out a list of restaurants. I got out a map, and she highlights each one. I show her where they are and how to get to them. It is a pretty good map of the downtown area the city has given us. Keep in mind our downtown is maybe 2 miles by 2 miles and only 4 one way streets.

They get to their room and call down for a light bulb. That's fine. I take them a light bulb. Before I can get out of the lobby, I hear the phone ring. The GM answered it. I get to their room and they have the door open. She then ask for 2 more top sheets.

I go back down stairs and the GM is leaving message for housekeeping to let them know that 204 will have two extra top sheets. I get out the only two sheets I have, and I take them too the room.

When I take the sheets to them, the husband is out of his room trying to unlock their car for his wife. She is standing in the parking lot doing pirouettes of confusion while he clicks away. I really start worry about them at this point.

They wonder back through the lobby and she stands behind the guest I'm checking in and starts asking me about the Gym attached to our hotel. We have an agreement with them that our guest can use them for free. I've already explained all of this to them when I checked them in.

It was a Monday night, so non stop people. 204 called back down asking how to use the internet. I am surprised by how many people don't know how to search for wireless networks on their computers. Choose what ever network has the most signal and is unsecured! How simple?

Before my GM can walk away from the desk the woman calls down asking if we had her map. No, we sure don't. 

The woman comes back down and gives me a bottom sheet. Oops. That was all I had in the lobby. I tell her I'll have to go back to housekeeping to get her one when I get a chance. 

My GM runs out as fast as she can and goes home. I don't blame her.

The woman wonders back into the lobby with her ice bucket. I tell her where the ice machine is. People never look at their maps to see where the ice machine is. She tells me to just keep the sheet at the desk because she is going to go take a nap. She wonders around the lobby. She comes back to the desk and asked me about the Gym again. Then she wonders to the house phone that doesn't work. I tell her it doesn't work, but she keeps trying. She finally asked me if she could call her husband from it. I offer her the desk phone and dial her room. She then tells her husband that she is going to the gym. She still has her ice bucket in her hand.

I finally get a chance to go back to house keeping and get their extra sheet. We already have 2 top sheets on the beds with the duvet.

I call their room but they don't answer.

The husband shows up for the sheet and asked me how people who bring their own computers print. This is the first time they brought their own lap top on a trip. I tell him if he had a thumb drive he can plug it into the lobby computer or he could email it to himself and print it off that way. I then had to explain how to email yourself.

Then they come back to the desk with the list of restaurants and for another map. I go through the whole thing with them again. Very simple place to get too.

When they got back to the hotel she said they couldn't find what they were looking for but found another place. She brought me their information booklet. Nice, thanks.

The husband comes back down to get the room key while she is talking to me. I gave them 2 keys by the way.

The wife goes to the lobby computer. She then comes back asking how to get to Hotmail. I go over and type it in the browser for her. She asked me "how did you do that? Did you just type it over it?" I them educate her on how to type in a web address.

It isn't long before she is back. This time she can't get anything to print.
I go over and check everything. She tells me that she has hit print a few times. I'm hoping at this point it doesn't print out 10 copies. Turns out the printer wasn't on. You know why the printer wasn't on? She turned it off trying to get it to print.

I turn it on and wait to make sure it doesn't start printing on it's own. I printed it for her. There was a guest waiting on the computer behind her. He had a look of "are you kidding me?" on his face. I do think he understood my pain.

She had her ice bucket with her this whole time. I'm not sure if she went back to her room or what, but she kept carrying that thing around like a child does a blankie. 

Thankfully they went back too their room, and didn't come back down for the rest of the night. The look on this woman's face was of total confusion and as if she was dumbfounded by everything.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Jennifer from South Carolina shares

I have received another entry from a reader! Keep it up, I genius and all, but not every night is exciting at the front desk. Some night are spent drooling our ourselves and almost slamming our faces on the desk when we fall asleep.  

Jennifer here has went above and beyond for her guest. Most of us would have told you to suck it and not dried a blanket for you. You won't catch me going back to housekeeping with out my guard driving me back to it. I don't wonder around when the creeps are lurking. Too many homeless like to sneak into what looks like closed spaces. 

Let my tell you how much I LOVE this guy in 307. First the gentleman comes up to my desk and in the most rude snide way possible.
" I need a room with two king beds."
" Well Sir, I'm sorry but we only have two rooms left and the are both single bed rooms."
" Are you f***ing kidding me?"
"Well sir, it is the weekend and we do have two large groups in tonight. Although the rooms are singles, they do have a pullout couch."
" Fine, what is your rate?"
" Well sir, our rates tonight are 119.99, that DOES include breakfast in the morning, wifi etc."
"119. For THIS?"
Keep in mind that my hotel is Diamond rated
" Yes sir, 119.99, but I will give you the room for 107.99"
"Fine, got anything on the 1st floor?
" No Sir, the only two rooms I have left are on the 3rd floor"
"Well, couldn't you move someone else?"
"No Sir, I can not"
I get his card and it gets declined, I ask him for another card. He throws a fit before giving me another card. By this time, I don't care if this guy gets a room, and I'm tempted to tell him his card is declined again. I'm kicking myself for not telling him that we were sold out already. 307 Finally checks into his room. Five mins later 307 comes back for sheets for the pullout and gets pissed when I inform him that we don't have an extra blankets and 3 extra pillows for him. Throws another fit, after I bring him some sheets and inform him that if he waits 20 mins I can dry ONE extra blanket fold it and call him when its ready. 307 Pitches another fit. 20min later I ring 307 tell him his blanket is ready and he can pick it up at the front desk.
" Well can't you bring it to me?"
" Sir I can't because I am the only one here and I can't leave my desk"
307 throws another fit. Again, I am kicking my self for not turning this guy away. 307 Comes to get his blanket and yells at me because " YOU said you found two."
"No, sir I told you I had one that I would be able to get you." thinking to my self Please take your blanket and get the fuck out of my face... I smile. 307 storms off. Comes back five mins later.
" Do you have any milk cartons?"
" NO sir we don't, but if you give me just a sec I can get you a glass of milk."
"Fine"
Why am I being nice to this ass?? Erg oh well, kick myself again. I come back with two small glasses of milk, thinking that he would want more than just a tiny glass. I was wrong. OH well, I needed milk for my cookies anyway.
Its been hours since 307 has called or stormed my desk... Maybe I am free of this dick, or hopefully he left... Wishful thinking.
He is back at my desk.
" Do you have an extra ice bucket?"
" Sorry sir I do not, there are Ice buckets in the room."
"I need an extra"
" Sir I don't have an extra one." I want to kick him in the teeth " I could give you a bag for your ice?"
" I guess that will HAVE to work."
I give him a bag, and give him a fake smile and hope he leaves.
He snatches the bag from my hand and says, " You know with ALL the problems I am having with you and with 307 you should comp my room."
" Sir I am sorry but I can not comp your room."
"Fine, I will be speaking with you manager tomorrow during checkout."

That's fine, I will be leaving a detailed note to my manager on how nice I was to you, and how much you suck. MAYBE I will just print this out for her. Jack ass.
Its 10pm, I have an hour left of work and I hope that this SOB doesn't come to my desk again.

Written by Jennifer M. of SC

Thursday, March 3, 2011

I'm a Front Desk Agent

Because no Blog about a hotel or front desk is complete without this gem, I will add it now. I'm not sure who wrote it, but I'm can guess most every hotel has one posted somewhere. 

I have advanced degrees in Accounting, Public Relations, Marketing, Business, Computer Science, Civil Engineering, and Swahili. I can also read minds.

Of course I have the reservation that you booked six years ago even though you don't have the confirmation number and you think it was made under a name that starts with "S".

It is completely my fault that the blizzard shut down the airport and you have to sleep in a warm king-size bed while 5000 of your co-travelers are sleeping in benches at the airport. I am sorry.


It is not a problem for me to give you seven connecting, non-smoking, poolside suites with two king beds in each, four rollaways, 3 cribs, and yes, I can install a wet bar. I know it is my fault that we do not have a helicopter landing pad.

I am a Front Desk Agent. I am expected to speak all languages fluently. It is obvious to me that when you booked your reservation for Friday on the weekend we're sold out that you really meant Saturday. My company has entrusted me with all financial information and decisions, and yes, I am lying to you when I say we have no more rooms available. It is not a problem for me to quickly construct several more guest rooms. THIS time I will not forget the helicopter landing pad. And it is my fault that everyone wanted to stay here. I should have known you were coming in, even though you had no reservation. After all, you stay at our brand of hotel all the time, 300 nights a year, and this is only the first time you've ever been to our city.

I am a front desk agent. I am quite capable of checking three people in, two people out, taking five reservations, answering fifteen incoming calls, delivering six bath towels to room 625, plunging the toilet in room 101, and restocking the supply of pool towels, all at the same time. Yes, I will be glad to call the van driver and tell him to drive over all the cars stuck in traffic because you've been waiting at the airport for 15 minutes and you've got jet lag.

I am a front desk agent, an operator, a bellhop, houseman, guest service representative, housekeeper, sales coordinator, information specialist, entertainment critic, restauranteur, stock broker, referee, janitor, computer technician, plumber, ice-breaker, postman, babysitter, dispatcher, laundry cleaner, lifeguard, electrician, ambassador, personal fitness trainer, fax expert, human jukebox, domestic abuse counselor, and verbal punching bag. Yes, I know room 112 is not answering their phone. And of course I have their travel itinerary so I know exactly where they went when they left here 9 hours ago, and what their cell phone number is.

I always know where to find the best vegetarian-kosher-Mongolian-barbecue restaurants. I know exactly what to see and do in this city in fifteen minutes without spending any money and without getting caught in traffic. I take personal blame for airline food, traffic jams, rental car flat tires, and the nation's economy.

I realize that you meant to book your reservation here. People often confuse us with the Galaxy Delight Motel, Antarctica. Of course I can "fit you in" and yes, you may have the special $1 rate because you are affiliated with the Hoboken Accounting and Bagel Club.

I am expected to smile, empathize, sympathize, console, condole, up-sell, down-sell (and know when to do which), perform, sing, dance, fix the printer, and tell your friends that you're here. And I know exactly where 613 Possum Trot Lane is in the Way Out There subdivision that they just built last week.

After all, I AM a Front Desk Agent!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Yes, I double as a GPS.

For some reason folks seem to believe I'm awesome. Yes, I know I'm awesome, but I do have my limits. It saddens me too. I wish I could be told a random address and be able to navigate you there perfectly and with out any confusion on your part (or mine). If I could top it of with a Star Wars type 3D hologram that took you turn by turn, I totally would!

When you live in a city that address are 345 3rd St Ln NE or 345 3rd St Pl NE or 345 3rd St Dr NE or 3rd St Ln NW or 345 3rd St Pl NW... and so on for all NE, NW, SE, SW, finding your way around can be a tad bit challenging. 

I don't know what Restaurant that sits at 345 3rd whatever, and when you come to me and ask me this don't be surprised if I can't tell you the name of it. By the way, who told you the address of said restaurant, but couldn't tell you the name of it?


Then they look at me with the puppy dog tilted head "Aren't you from here?" No, I'm not, but I've lived here for enough years to know where I am. I assure you that you wouldn't be able to find a local able to help you out with out pulling out a map and cussing profusely for at least 10 minutes. GPS, Google Maps, and Map Quest all hate our city. They will send you to the other end of town that is SW when you put in SE. If you find yourself at a Motel that has it's front covered in the fake rock underpinning, don't get out of your car. Try to make your way out of the parking lot with out drawing any attention to yourself.


Don't get mad at me when GPS or Google gets you lost. When you called asking for our address, I told you how to get here. I told you that your GPS might not get you here and put you in the scary part of town. I warned you, but you chose to rely on Mayhem.