Soooo you want a room tonight... well be nice to me.

I just want to vent a bit... not so much fume.. but you know. I won't use many bad words.

So if you go into a hotel and want a room. Be nice to the front desk. You just might get a lower rate. Be a jerk... get a higher rate. Simple.

A man comes in and doesn't want one of my outside rooms. All but 4 of my rooms are on the outside. The 4 inside rooms are suits. He wanted me to give him one of them for just a few bucks more than my other rooms cost. Acting like I should just do it so he will stay with me. Move it along buddy. Later that night... I sold one room full price and a Platinum member got upgraded to the other.

One dude called asking if I'd cut our rate by HALF because he wasn't coming in until 11p and would be leaving before 8am. That's still all night and breakfast in the morning. So sorry.. not happening. "I guess we will just stay somewhere else" ... "Well good luck with that. I hope the hourly motel is nice".

Next folks. Locals. Sorry we only take Major credit cards from locals, unless your insurance company is paying for it. Sorry... the $100.00 deposit does not cover the crazy damage you folks cause. Byebye.

And the the icing on the cake. Dude calls up ask me if we take credit cards over the phone. "Yes, that is how we reserve our rooms with a credit card over the phone" Then I lost connection with him and his cell. (ok.. honestly.. I hit the button my mistake and hung up on him.. but shhhhh... )
A bit later his wife calls.

Me: "Yes, we take credit cards over the phone to reserve the room, however I'm currently busy at the moment with a guest can you call 1800(reservation line) and make the reservation"

Her: I don't have a computer, so just call me back.

Me: It is a phone number. You call it.

Her: I don't have my computer. I can't use it.

Me: You call it... with a Phone.

Her: oh

Me: Yeah, Oh.

A bit later dude comes in. "So you take credit cards over the phone? My wife made the reservation. The lady at the other hotel told me they won't take credit cards over the phone. She was a real bitch"

Ok First off. Robin is a sweet heart. 2nd.. umm... we make reservations with credit cards over the phone, but we have to have the credit card or at least a fax of it front and back to insure you are the owner of said card.

So now he is getting bitchy at me. I tell him he can scan it and email it to me if he can't get to a fax machine. Nope. He hands me his cell phone to talk to his wife. She bitches me out.. Hellooooo... She tells met he guy at the reservation line told her it would be fine. I tell her that I can't do it.

I finally talk them into using their Points to pay for the room. I don't really need a credit card for that. 15,000 points and you have yourself a free room.

For all I know that could have been Bob Doles credit card. Not worth my ass over.

Needless to say I was ready to get home tonight and had a head ache. The night could have been worse like last night when half the hotel didn't have water, and no one thought it would be nice to let me know. That was a fun 4 hours.

A story about Poop

One morning when I got to work there was a note on the desk:

Brad _____ __________________ Guest that POOPED on our sheets & pillows. Do Not Rent!

So naturally I had to get the story on this one.

He checked in and made a big deal about him being the only one that was going to be in the room. But when housekeeping went in the next day poo was smeared every where along with condoms.

And while he was here he complained about things and got a discounted rate, extra Club points and then called the customer care folks to complain that he didn't get enough free points for a free night.

My co worker was kind enough to not explain what dude had done to the room, while I would have said "you know what that fool did?"

Real Vs. Fake

One busy night we had a house full of old golfers and young girls that play soccer.

At the last moment we had people walk in for the meeting room. A bridal shower. The Pure Romance lady was here first. Then the lady in charge came in and was a very unpleasant demanding troll. The room was set up the way she asked, but I guess she changed her mind. Wanted me to move stuff out of the room... umm no.

Then what do you know but a male stripper comes in! They were screaming and acting like fools.

I guess the stripper was so wild that the Pure Romance lady left the room and didn't go back until he was done. The guard was kinda taken back when he walked in. I didn't know at that point there was a man removing his clothing, and I felt kinda bad for sending in an unsuspecting man.  I was then blessed with the women in the lobby talking about how now their undies were soaked in bodily fluids.

Keep the strippers at home.

Take care of your old folks people!

Yesterday I had an old man come in. He seemed pretty lucid but just mean. He was talking to me and was willing to pay the deposit and his room charge up front. Things changed when I asked for his ID. He got pissed off at me and stormed out.

Well I'm not 100% that it was the same guy that came back after 11pm for a room, but we think it was. He was confused and lost. Turns out he was already checked into the Best Western with all his things there, but forgot he was there. He told the night auditor that he forgot his meds there. She called over and they told her he was still checked in. The security guy escorted him back the the Best Western. He had checked into at least 6 hotels in the area. One person knew him at another hotel. They said he is homeless because his family doesn't want to take care of him.

The security guy called the police, but they were no help. Someone should have called social services. This man shouldn't be wondering the streets from hotel to hotel (driving) spending all his cash at each one.

Not all nights are bad

Tonight is a busy night, we are going to sell out. I have one room left to sell.

I've had my regulars in here, and a guy that has moved over to our hotel from another down the road. I know him from when I worked over there. He likes to talk... We will just leave it at that.

I got a $10 tip from a guest tonight. I shared some cherry pie with his wife as she sat in the lobby waiting for him to get off work.

One of my regulars has promised me a gift for playing musical rooms and getting him near where he wanted to be. I won't be holding my breath.

I'm tired. My dinner of pita chips and hummus wasn't enough, I slammed my knee on the office door, and spilled my milk all over my pants. Every time I got settled in the office to pump breast milk someone came to the desk. I have just over an hour before I get to leave. Lets see if I can stay awake.

Employees Only!

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I don't give a flying fig newton if your bags are back there. We were nice enough to hold them for you after you checked out, but that does not mean you can just help yourself into my back room behind the front desk to get them!
I wish I could have gotten back there to lock the door between her trips back there. And the woman left the door standing open. I wonder if she helps herself in the kitchen at Burger King as well. I can't stand ditsy bitches that act like they can do whatever.

Do not flush

We still have a few smoking rooms left at our hotel. I'm counting down the days for us to go 100% smoke free. Sorry smokers, you are a pain to have.

Today's smoker has clogged their toilet by flushing cigarette butts. Really? Do you do this at home?

Tip for those staying at a hotel. Don't do anything you wouldn't do at home, and if you choose to be stupid at least give tips to those that have to fix your screw ups.

Now I'm waiting to see if they want to change rooms. I'm not calling the maintenance man in to fix something like this. We are beyond the plunger stage as far as clogs go.

Just because the lobby has a big screen T.V.

It isn't the place for your Super Bowl Party! I swear dude came in with a cooler, and a bag of junk food. Turned the TV to the Super Bowl, and tuned the shit up loud! I could hear it all the way in the back. I don't even know what room he is in, or if he is even a guest.

This is the part that I'm bad at... Kicking people out of my lobby for doing small annoying shit. I should had my ass plopped down on the couch watching HGTV with the remote in my hand.

I could go unplug it and remove the power cord at his next potty break.

Dude asked me turn the lights off in the lobby.

Next:
A man come in and ask if he could sit with his people and watch the game. He said "We're Christians and we don't want to go to a bar or drink. Do you mind?" So dude that was drinking like a fish is out numbered. A drunk girl also came into the lobby. I don't think she was with him though.

He didn't bother turning the TV back down to non-blow out ear drum volume. I went out there at one point because I thought he had left, but he still had his stuff all over. I figure he was in the bathroom. I went over to turn the tv down and he was still hanging out on the lobby computer. I still turned down the tv.

As it turned out dude wasn't a guest, and when the guard asked him to leave he wanted to stay and finish watching "Undercover Boss." We told him that the lobby closes at 11 and he had to go. Sorry... toodles. He wasn't happy with it, but left. At first the guard thought he was walking, but by the time he realized he was driving it was too late to stop him or follow him out.

He was trying to say someone with longish brown hair and heavy set told him he could be there. Umm.. no.

Tthe girl that came to the lobby drunk and borrowed my scissors so she could cut up a magazine.) The girl's mom was paying for their room. The girl had coke all over the room and got hair dye all over everything! Mom wasn't too happy to get the bill to replace everything her daughter ruined.

American Idol Hopeful

We have a motion detector known by us as "the Ding-Dong." When a guest comes in the front door or to the desk the Ding-Dong will sound. Most days it will simply go ding-dong, but other days it likes to spice it up and play what sounds like I've Been Working on the Railroad.

Last night I'm back in the office cuddled up with the space heater working really hard on my CityVille City, and the Ding-Dong went off. I go out and I can't see anyone in the lobby. But I hear what sounds like someone dying around the corner. "Haahoooyaa deeeedooaaaa nnnennenaaa lllaaaeee" I start reaching for the phone to call my security guard of the night (our security guards are for another post.)

Before I got the phone dude walks around the corner. He had headphones on and had been "singing." Lawd help him. 

So dude walks up to the Front Desk...

And Says "Maaeeeyyy rrrooonnmm ddrrruuu blllllaaaahhhh 1.....00000....1. And looks at me with a crazy look in his eye.

I was then looking for some to protect my self at this point while looking at him like "huh?"

Then he repeats him self, at that point I caught the 101 part. I was then thinking that he was lost or something, from a group home maybe?

He finally gets out "Lost key... 101," and then stumbles some. I also got a cloud of booze breath around my head. "ahhh" I think to myself. I check his ID before giving him a key. I then offered him the stairs back to him room. He thought about it for a moment, but opted to walk around the building.

Before him I had 2 guys coming in looking for a room, they could not tell my why they were in town (special rates for different things), and acted like me asking for an ID was too much. One guy was shaking, and I got a bad feeling about them, so I told them I'd also have to have a major credit card. They left.

After those two, a man comes in. I'm asking about who is with him, one adult.. then I ask about children. He says after hesitation "I have a small boy."

I don't know what it was about that, but it put me off. I could help but "jokingly" ask if he was his, and if he was in the trunk.

But he didn't have a card and didn't want to pay the deposit. Kinda creeps me out thinking that he didn't want to be traced ya know?

The Creepy Guy AKA 108

It is hard to label only one guy "Creepy," but sometimes it just fits. Sometimes you feel guilty for labeling the guy creepy because you feel bad for him. At the same time, you want to turn invisible anytime he shows up.

For the past couple of weeks we've had 108 staying with us. The first night I had the pleasure of meeting him he was buying a soda from me. He pulled out a wad of cash. I try to build a rapport with my guest. I do this by joking with them and making small talk, so when he pulled out the wad, I told him he had a problem of his wallet overflowing. He laughed and I went on to get his change for the soda and asking how his room was. He then points to a $100.00 and says "I'll give you this if you come by my room after you get off work." I've still not found a good way to react to these comments. Do I throw up all over them, do I slap them with my glove, punch them in the nose or dismiss myself? I normally just dismiss myself. After he witnessed my repulsed reaction he said he was joking. Too late. There is not going back from offering to pay someone to go by your room. There are not many ways for this offer to be taken either.

Next time he came around, I tried not to engage. He asked me about who delivered. He was just about to walk away when his phone rang.

At this point maybe we should go over why he was staying at the hotel. His house burned down. Sad I know. Why it happened? He told me he had bought a new space heater. They ruled the space heater to be the cause of the fire. He wasn't home at the time. He seem truly surprised by this.

So the person on the phone is the company that works for your insurance to put you up in a hotel and take care of all the things needed to get you where you need to be. He wanted me to talk to her to write down all the information on short term apartments. Not too unusual. I went over what she had talked about. Most people would have asked for a pen and paper. And he introduced me as his "friend" when he handed the phone over.

A bit later that night he came back. He kept asking if I wanted dinner. I politely turned him down each time. I finally told him I had issue with some foods and couldn't eat just anything. He the offered me a salad. Who can't eat a salad?

I hand him a menu for a local pizza place. I was showing him a few things that were good. He then turns the menu to me and says that he couldn't see well and asked if I would read it to him. This is not normal. This is when I start thinking he might not be able to read and write well. I help him pick a pizza and place the order for him. I have to turn him down a few more times for food. He acts like I truly hurt his feelings.

The next night he comes up and is talking to me. I try to stay in the office as much as I can. He sits on the couch in the lobby and watches the T.V. and asked me to come sit with him. I turn him down telling him I have to work. As he was going to his room he tells me to call him and tell him "night night" after I get off work.

Thankfully we are busy the next night. He came up and said he waited up until 16 minutes after I had got off work. I told him I had to get home to my kids and husband. He left me alone for the rest of the night.

I was talking with some co-workers. He was asking for towels only from housekeeping until he realized that a young girl would be helping clean his room. He then wanted her to clean his tub and make his bed. He asked if he could watch.

When he checked in he was asked to initial his registration card. He said he didn't have initials. Again, sad.

The GM has left him messages to not bother us at the desk and harass us any more. Today he came up and was telling me he wanted something to do. He asked to talk with the "girl back there" (my boss who was busy.) She said she didn't want to talk to him and was loud saying so. He heard her and went away. He will be moving in to his temporary apartment in 3 days!

Update: The other girl that works the front desk says he talks to her about religion and God. And he hasn't checked his messages.

The Cheek Pincher

We all have encountered at least one in our life time, but normally not after childhood, the Cheek Pincher. It is normally the little old lady that wears too much make up, always has hard candy in her purse and sits in the pew just behind you in church. You'd turn around and give her that silly grin to get a piece of candy.

Well for me it was a man maybe only 20 years older than me and today. I'm well past my childhood.

I was making small talk with the guest while they got their breakfast and coffee. One man was talking to himself about trying to find something. I asked him what he was looking for, and he said he couldn't remember at that point. He went on to say that once you get old that you go so fast you for get what you are doing. I joked back with him that I already do that, so there must not be much hope for me. He laugh and smiled, and then reached out and gave my cheek a pinch. I paused and tried not to allow my reflexes take over. I wanted to swat at him as if he was a bee buzzing around my watermelon. I quickly retreated into the kitchen and hid in the office.

He had his breakfast with his wife, but before leaving the lobby he came to the desk and gave me a $2.00 tip. I kinda feel like a cheap date now.

By Popular Demand

As my friends hear more stories from my job at a hotel, the more they want to hear. It is like a train wreak where you will find everything from poop and... well we won't go there yet, but in the end you can't look away.

I've been working a front desk for a few years now. I've worked 3 different hotels. I've worked them as a Front Desk clerk, not worked them worked them. Perv.

I've met some really awesome people and made a few friends, but there are always a few that make you want to run away and hide under your bed until the sun comes up.

Some stories will be first hand, while others will be shared from what others tell me. You will laugh, cry and vow to never stay in another hotel room for the rest of your life. Oh, but you will, and when you do, you'll be checking a little closer to the details.